Giddy About Ben

Ben was gone for a few days on a business trip. I started missing him before he left. I watched him rushing around the house placing things in his suitcase and felt sorry for myself. I wondered if pouting would make him stay. Of course not. His work ethic is too excellent for that, plus I am very proud of how hard he works and so thankful that he has a job that provides for us. Still, my heart started to hurt thinking about how it would feel every evening knowing that he wouldn't be coming home that night and I began dreading the coming days.

On a normal day I think about Ben probably at least 3-5 times an hour. The closer it gets to 5:00 the more often I think of him and the more excited I get for the little hand on the clock to reach the 5. When he comes in the door the day is whole and my soul feels peaceful despite what ever chaos has occurred earlier in the day. In all honesty, I am not always completely rid of any bad mood that I may have been in earlier in the day when he comes home, but I still feel relief when I see him, and no it isn't because he can give me a break from the kids. It's just the way he is.

 Ever since I met Ben he has had that affect on me. I remember one day in particular when our wedding was approaching. I had been rushing around all day people were everywhere and it felt like time was slipping through my fingers. Ben walked in the door and hugged me. I immediately sighed with relief. Not dramatically or even on purpose, it was just a natural reaction. Everything is better when he is around.

Back to now...Ben came home late last night. All day yesterday from the moment I woke up I felt almost giddy. A couple times I actually got on my nerves I felt so giddy about Ben coming home. I couldn't help but smile and be in a good mood and I had butterflies in my tummy. When I heard the car pull into the drive way I practically skipped to the door to open it.

This is all probably very sickening to a lot of you, to hear me go on and on about how much I adore this man and how wonderful he is. I understand that he is not perfect. I am not trying to pretend that he is. I am not trying to say that we have a perfect relationship and our life is perfect. There are many things that Ben and I disagree about. Just a few and less significant things are food (I LOVE Mexican, he hates it, I love creamy stuff, he is lactose intolerant, etc.) it makes eating together every day very "interesting", music - we have very different opinions about music, entertainment...he loves WWE, I .....don't. I can't stand watching people argue and fight and that is essentially WWE.

 Ben is not perfect, he wouldn't be on this earth if he was, but he IS perfect for me. I have believed that just about since day one with Ben and it has been reaffirmed to me through personal spiritual experiences that he and I were meant to be together. He is a part of me, a part that no other human being could ever compare to being. When I think about this and how lucky we were to meet each other in the first place I realize just how blessed I am and life doesn't seem quite so blurry.

I am not writing this to make any readers nauseous or to brag or to make it sound like everyday is sunshine and rainbows in our home. Ben and I do have disagreements. However, we are both very careful with how we speak to one another. We never yell at each other when we "argue". We have discussions to try to understand the other's point of view so that we can reach a compromise that will work for our family and our life together. There have been some things that Ben and I have really struggled to understand about the other, but he is THE only person that I trust my deepest darkest secrets to. I can tell him anything and know that he will not judge me or view me differently. I know that he will use the knowledge of whatever secrets I disclose to him to love and understand me better.

I know how the opposite kind of relationship feels and I am so grateful to be with someone that I respect and look up to. To be with someone who will carry you when you fall despite the heavy load they are already burden by is a wonderful thing to be. I have no doubts about him and where he is taking our family. I fully expect to stumble many times along our journey together but I also know that each time we get back up we will be stronger than before.
 Not long after I met him I had this vision of him and me, old and happy, sitting in rocking chairs on our front porch somewhere surrounded by beautiful trees and watching our grand kids playing in our yard. I look to that vision quite often. It makes my heart happy and I get so exited for what is to come of our life together because when we were old sitting there in those rocking chairs we were very happy and it was largely because of each other. I honestly believe that no other man on this earth could love me in spite of my imperfections the way he does. No one else. I can't imagine that there is another man worthy enough to be loved and admired the way I love and admire Ben, but I sure hope that there is. I do have two daughters that will hopefully have families of their own one day. I pray that they find men like their father, and I pray that Noah will be like him as well. That is really why I am writing this post, to let them know how love and marriage should be. I think it is every parents' greatest hope for their child to find a companion who is all of these things, it is mine for my children anyway.